Part of our goal in writing here is to provide a space for parents, particularly those in queer families, to have a place to talk about our families and the roles within them. With that goal in mind, it is important for us to maintain a space in which queer parents feel safe. It is also important to us to have a space that respects all parents. In particular, we are concerned that respect be shown for parents who are not genetically related to their children and parents who have used donor gametes to grow their families. We also want to maintain a space open enough to welcome everyone who is involved in or with such families — parents, children, donors, grandparents, school teachers, doctors, donor conceived people, daycare providers, and everyone in our communities. With such a varied group, and one that may include people with differing opinions, we find the following guidelines useful:
- We take it as a given that lesbians, gay men, transgender people, bisexual people, and single women and men can make outstanding parents. If you do not take that for granted as well, this is probably not the community for you. Hateful speech of any kind will not be tolerated and comments that include homophobic statements or are disrespectful of transgender people will not be approved or will be deleted.
- If you are unfamiliar with parenting by queers or transgender people, you are welcome to ask questions, but be careful to do so respectfully, and there’s no guarantee you’ll get an answer.
- We take it as a given that genetic connections are not the essential building block of familial relationships, and that those of us with children (or parents) to whom we are not genetically related are especially vulnerable in our society. Hence, we will not approve (or will delete) comments on this blog that we deem to disrespect such relationships in any way. Please note that in stating this, we are not implying that genetic relationships are unimportant, whether those genetic connections are to family members, gamete donors, or birth parents. We each have a genetic link to one of our children and we cherish those connections, but they are not more important than other aspects of our relationships.
- We want to be engaging in conversations about relationships and roles in families that are genuine and reflect the struggles that we have as parents. In real life, relationships are difficult, and we don’t think that queer people (or their children) should have to censure themselves to present only our best faces to the world. So please be real, and read the comments of others with consideration and sympathy. Our paths are all different, and we need all of our voices to be heard.
- We reserve the right to delete any comment that simply serves as advertisement for a product or a website.
We prefer to include many and varied comments, and particularly value comments from those with experiences different than ours. Historically, we’ve been extremely lucky that the vast majority of comments in this space, even when they have taken issue with something we’ve written, have been respectful (we can count the times we’ve had to pull comments on one hand). However, if you say overtly disparaging things about gay, lesbian, bi or trans people, or our children and families, your comment will not be approved.